grandma shit on top of the toilet
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
