Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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