Ketchup is God's man juice
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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