Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
pop tarts are not kleenex
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
