woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
