I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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