it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
