im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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