Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
