I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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