Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
