All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
