im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
