"it" just moved
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
zippers are such a cool invention
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
