The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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