I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
