Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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