I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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