I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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