He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
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I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
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Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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