is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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