You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
