Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
