How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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