So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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