Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
