I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
