Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
