I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
