Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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