you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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