Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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