Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
