I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
