we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
