I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
