I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
