Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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