dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
