i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
