Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
