"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
