i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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