if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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