How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
