Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
