I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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