my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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