So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
