I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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