google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
