After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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