Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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