Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Dear god my vagina.
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