I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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