I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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