the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Operation Purity has been aborted
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
