FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
