My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I want to fling myself into the sun
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
