Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
