HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
