fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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