I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
