Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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