We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
