I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
