I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
