but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
