a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
