Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.