yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
