Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
