This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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