i permit you to call me
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
