shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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