picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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