Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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