1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
