If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
