just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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