32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
